Approach is Everything

Approach is Everything

I recently had a harrowing experience with a Facebook group.  I have a daughter with autism and I had a question, so I posted it to a FB group geared toward parents and caregivers.  About 30 minutes after I posted, I was deeply sorry I did so.  I deleted the post and left the group. 

What was the issue?  The approach of the respondents.  Seriously, it was awful – felt like I was being stoned in the town square.  So much judgement, so much ego.  Complete lack of empathy and understanding.  It was not at all helpful. 

Have you had a similar experience?  If yes, I’m so sorry.  It doesn’t feel very good. 

Within that same week, I had an encounter with a client that gave me pause and made me think about the importance of approach.  The conversation went like this:

Business owner: I’m being audited!  And it’s all your fault!

Me: What?

Business owner: I did something and I didn’t tell you about it.  But you should have known! 

Sigh.

As you can imagine, the client’s tone of voice was less than pleasant during this conversation.  But that’s not unusual.  After 15 years in HR, I’m used to people having moments of being unreasonable and irrational.  Emotions take over and drive bad behavior.  The yelling, the finger pointing, the blame – it comes with the territory. 

Others may hear me say that having these tough discussions is a regular part of HR and that they could never do it.  But after 15 years in the industry, I’ve learned an important thing – people are people.  They’re human no matter what.  A person may be a business owner, a company leader, a long-time employee – but they’re still a person.  They deal with stuff the same way I do.  We all go through the journey of life and encounter good and bad. 

I try very hard every day to put myself in other peoples’ shoes.  I assume positive intent.  I come from a place of compassion.  And it has served me well. 

So while I didn’t really appreciate the responders on Facebook, I wish them all the best.  I know first-hand how difficult it is to be the parent of a special-needs child.  The anxiety, the stress – it’s debilitating.  Their responses to my question may have been sent during a difficult moment.  I get it.  I will continue to pray for peace for all of them.

What happened with my client?  It was beautiful – I was able to engage him in a direct conversation where we calmly discussed the issue at hand and brainstormed solutions.  I also called him out on his bad behavior, and he apologized.  We ended with discussing our upcoming weekend plans.  And all is well…cue sitcom exit music.